Shadowboxing
This is the more expanded philosophy I touched upon in my April 2026 newsletter.
Originally the term I used in a spring newsletter post to refer to the metaphor of shadow work. In postmodern western philosophy, the concept immediately brings us to the Jungian field, but the challenge to— for lack of clearer terms— observe the entirety of yourself without impartialness or judgement, is ancient practice and philosophy.
Growth is a spiral, and we keep returning to the same points over until we learn to release ourselves from our patterns, and in astrology we view this quite literally— when a transiting planet activates an angular point or placement in your natal chart. We can experience prolonged consequences of staying in the same loop, but it can be difficult to recognize our ability to break free. Frequently, especially with those older wounds, we have orchestrated our identities around our sustained patterns, even when they keep us stuck.
It’s too easy to blame our shadows for our loops— I had this experience in my past, so I can’t change now. Too often, feeling vulnerable and hungry for control, we turn our shadow’s messages into personal shame. It takes practice to instead hear what’s being communicated.
Our shadows don’t keep us in loop, they tell us where we need to build our strength in order to break free. Everything in life that requires us to use strength demands the proper training, or we risk harming ourselves with improper care. Intentionally tending to the shadow self gives us time and opportunity to train our strength so we are prepared to use it effectively when the time is right to break our loops. Like a sore spot in your hips, the shame we hold from ignoring our shadows can be manipulated. When mishandled or collided with unexpectedly, it can cause agony and aggravate any injury. When tended to with intent— gentle pressure, an ache that turns into release— we learn to understand our own movement.
Not everyone is gifted with the space for movement, however, so sometimes we have to find a way to claim our own. When we need to tend to especially vulnerable parts of ourselves, there’s limited space. Kink that falls into grey areas of holistic care— how do you explain the euphoria in being crushed to someone incapable of finding themself in the circumstance?— certainly will carve space for you, but what you learn about yourself, and the strength you build, is ultimately your responsibility to hold.
While we are in scene, I want you to experiment with the loops, the pain points, the sustained patterns you have. The rituals you practice— keeping vulnerability at a distance, or the denying of your own tenderness— I will find them and I will dig at them. You honor your own spirit with these rituals, you keep them so close to you, so of course I need to see more to understand why you work so hard to keep them alive.
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summer 2026, further thoughts:
Considering where we can build scaffolding to climb out of our behavioral loops, this is what I’ve said in scenes recently versus a shadow work prompt I align it with:
- “I don’t think you can hold it much longer”[while adding pressure to aforementioned]— reaching a failure point is scary; am I interested in testing where mine is, or do I follow my instincts to stay out of its way?
- “people-pleasers behave without integrity” - am I able to live honest to my values in my daily environment, or have I compromised myself for the sake of keeping the peace?
- “you are able to take so much more than you realize” - when am I able to accept pleasure simultaneous with endurance?
- “you did so good, you used your safeword exactly when you needed to” how have I compromised my wellbeing to preform as I was expected to for others? when do I fail to speak up for myself?
